*Vegeta,18, & 17 enter and begin to read*
Vegeta: I hate this.
18: God, shut up, Vegeta! Who the hell DOES like this?
17: *jubulient* Alright! Another one! And it's readable!
Vegeta: Android 17 is overloading, I think.
18: Lets just get it over with.

>Control.

18: It's something YOU can have with Depends™.

>by: Sailor Star
>Everything about Chi-Chi emitted control.

Vegeta: Don't let your bowel movement control you! You control them!

>Good ol' reliable, overprotective Chi-Chi.

17: Good ol' militaristic, sadistic Chi-chi

>She glanced down at her shopping list. Spaghetti Sauce.
>Frowning, she scanned the shelves, looking for a suitable brand. She
> finally decided on some Prego, and tossed it into the cart.

Vegeta: That's product placement!
18: I seriously doubt PREGO© would pay to advertise in a bad fic.
17: I love PREGO©. It tastes just like our Italian mother used to make.

>See? Total control.

17: What?! She just chose some spaghetti sauce. How is that control?
18: PREGO brand spaghetti sauce. Maybe a reference to facism?

>All through her life she had controlled people. Her family, mostly. She
>ran her household military-style. Dinner was at seven, and everyone had
>an early bedtime. She was the perfect image of a perfectionist.

Vegeta: Perfectly perfect in everyway.
18: Isn't that Mary Poppins?
17: It's scary that you would know that.
18: No, I'm just a fan of Academy Award winning performances.

>Her house sparkled; family problems never left the family, and to everyone who

Vegeta: was in the family, she was a bitch.

>saw her she was always the same old Chi-Chi she'd always been.
>But she'd felt so alone.

17: Well who wouldn't be, with a personality like that? That's like kicking someone in the shins and expecting them to adore you.

>She looked at the shelves, this time looking for yams.

18: Ah, I see she's preparing her world famous spaghetti and yams.

>She found some and put that into the cart too, looking down to see what
>was next.

Vegeta: [Chi-chi] Ah I see "withholding sex from Kakarrot" is next on my list of things.
18: You idiot. You still call Goku that?
Vegeta: Admitting his Earth name is admitting to weakness!

>All around her people bustled about, too involved in their own lives to look at her.

17: Maybe they're just afraid to look at her.

>Next to her an old couple walked slowly past her, heading toward another section
> of the market. A man in his late 20's grabbed some Raman noodles.
>A woman down the aisle struggled to restrain two screaming kids.
>Chi-Chi smiled fondly. She remembered those days.

18: [Chi-chi] *fondly in euphoria* I remember screaming kids and a guy picking up Ramen noodles.

>She reached up to grab a jar of jelly.

Vegeta: I'm no cook, but I know jelly wouldn't go good with pasta.

>Putting it into the cart, she instinctively reached for another one.

17: Because who wouldn't instinctively go for another jar of jelly? One jar isn't enough. It's just THAT good!

>Her hand stopped midway, and she grabbed it gently, smiling sadly.

18: [Chi-chi] I remember when I once bought three jars of mint jelly. That was fun.

>There was no one else to shop for. Just her, plain old Chi-Chi alone in her
>house, no more children to take care of, no more husband to worry over,
>nothing. Just her, and no one else.

Vegeta: At this instant, Chi-chi contemplated suicide.

>She wished Goku would come back.

17: So she could yell at him?

>She'd been alone in the house ever since Goten had left for college.

Vegeta: College? That kid is as dumb as a brick. Wait- That's an insult to the brick.

>He'd been there for a year now, probably breaking every rule she'd ever set

18: Rules like, "never speak while Chi-chi is in the room." "Avoid all eye-contact with Chi-chi." Oh, and my fave, "Chi-chi is ALWAYS right."

>for him. Goten, while he was not usually disobedient, wasn't too fond of

Vegeta: The Goten Torture Hour.

>his mother's strictness either. Ever since he was little, it was clear that all he
> really wanted to do was

17: Join a rock band and call it TenGo.
Vegeta: *to 17* What the hell are you talking about?
17: Well it makes as much sense as ViDel.

>fight. But Chi-Chi refused to let any such thing happen. She had pushed
>him, prodded him, done everything in her power squelch all thoughts of
>fighting and mold him into another Gohan.

18: [Chi-chi] *to Goten* What this family needs is another nerd who runs around in silly disguises.

>But Chi-Chi knew in her heart that he would never become the kind of son she
>wanted him to be, that she had really been pushing him too far.

Vegeta: *saturated with sarcasm* Chi-chi going over the edge? Impossible.

>Goten had never really tried to be smart. He'd had ho-hum grades, and had never
>hoped for higher than the occasional B+ .He had never tried to be as smart as his
> brother and Chi-Chi knew it was all her fault.

17: [Chi-chi] I don't think I've been hard enough on Goten. I think I actually hugged him once.

>She'd always prized Gohan, highest above all things. She'd put him onto a pedestal
>that Goten could never reach, held him in such high regard that no matter how far
>Goten flew he'd never reach him. Goten simply wasn't good enough to match up to
>his brother. So, instead of trying harder, he'd just stopped trying all together.

Vegeta: Good for the brat. Accept failure!

>There was really no point in going on when you knew you would never be good enough.

18: So why are they telling us all this?

>Goten had left for college with high hopes, overjoyed to finally be able to make his
>own decisions. Chi-Chi often wondered if she'd ever see him again.
>Would he come home for thanksgiving, or would he go off with his friends?

17: A good old traditional Japanese Thanksgiving.

>She didn't know, but she wished he'd come home.
>Chi-Chi walked into the parking lot and climbed into the car, putting
>her bags into the backseat.

Vegeta: Whoa, she's stealing groceries.

>She climbed in the front, and backing out the space, she slowly drove
>out of the parking lot.
>After Goku had died fighting Cell, Chi-Chi decided to learn how to drive.

17: Just not very well.
18: [Chi-chi driving] Move out of the way, cat! *THUD* Oops.

>She could have easily had Goten fly her, of course, but she liked to be
>independent. Besides, flying was one of the things on her no-no list.

18: I bet there are a bunch of things on Chi-chi's "no-no list". Things like "joy", "freewill", and "laughing", etc.
Vegeta: Kakkarot knew that if Chi-chi learned how to fly, she'd probably try to control the Earth.

>She bought herself a nice car, an air-minivan. Her kids had protested,
>claiming it was too much of a family car. But then again, in those days
>Chi-Chi was still fantasizing about her perfect family, with her boys
>becoming doctors and scientists while she and Goku grew old together,
>sitting by the fire and enjoying each other's company.

18: Chi-chi and enjoyment do not go together in the same sentence.

>How had she come to be with Goku? Ah yes, she remembered. She had
>been a young girl, at the Boudakai. She fought Goku, and lost. But just
>before the tournament ended, she reminded him of his promise to marry
>her that he had made long ago.

17: [Goku] I thought it was food!!!! Because who WOULD marry Chi-chi?!

>Even then, he'd shown signs of doubt, but poor Goku, he was so
>honest he couldn't deny having made it. They'd married soon after, and
>Chi-Chi thought she'd die of happiness. How foolish she'd been.

Vegeta: Chi-chi always treats happiness like some deadly disease.

>She pulled up to the front of her house and climbed out of the car.
>She arranged the two grocery bags on her arm and walking carefully up
>to the front door, she pulled out her key and opened it. She walked into
>the kitchen and set the bag onto the table.

18: Then she paused... then thought a moment... then paused some more.
17: Where are they going with this???

>A can fell from the bag and onto the floor. She leaned down to pick it up,
>and was stunned as a bigger, stronger hand landed on top of hers.

18: It was Yamcha, the low-life bastard.
Vegeta: Please, no one would be THAT desperate to go for Chi-chi.

>Terror gripped her heart. A robber! She raised her eyes slowly, prepared
>for he worst.
>"Goku!" She yelped, falling back.

18: [Chi-chi] I've fallen and I can't get up!
17: *to 18* That was so lame.

>He husband smiled down at her and offered his hand.
>"Konnichiwa, Chi-Chi-chan! How have you been?"
>Chi-Chi, still stunned stood up on her own, ignoring Goku's hand.
>She dug through one of the grocery bags for a minute,

18: [Chi-chi] Where's my damn mace?

>before pulling out a head of lettuce. She walked over the counter,
>pulled her chopping board off a hook and began to pull lettuce leaves off.
>Goku frowned slightly.

Vegeta: [Goku] And I thought for sure I'd give her a heart-attack.

>"Chi-Chi-chan?"
>Chi-Chi pulled a knife from a drawer and began to chop up the leaves
>she'd pulled. Her frame shook slightly, and she reached up to wipe her
>eyes.

17: Chi-chi probably laughs when she's mincing onions.

>Goku frowned even more. She was crying. Gently, he reached over to
>embrace her. "Chi-Chi…what's-"

Vegeta: *to Goku* Kakkarot, you fool. You know Chi-chi can't see dumb-asses.

>Chi-Chi whirled around and smacked him with all her might. It didn't hurt
>him, but there was still a faint red mark on his face.

17: So Goku just chose to comeback all of a sudden? No.

>Goku looked stunned. "Chi-Chi…"
>"Just leave Goku," Chi-Chi said, lowering her face so that her bangs
>covered her eyes. "And don't come back. Ever."

17: *to 18* Chi-chi doesn't have bangs at that point in DBZ.
18: Oh.

>Goku let go of her. He walked slowly out the door, not stopping once. As he
>got outside he turned though, and looked at her sadly. He looked like
>he wanted to say something, but

Vegeta: He knew if he'd open his mouth he'd screw up the moment.

>thought better of it. Instead he took off into the sky, heading west for
>Kami knows where.
>Chi-Chi watched him go. He'd left the same way he always did. Heading off
>to his secret hideout where he had spent the last few years with Uub.
>But in her heart, she knew he

17: was simply trying to hide from HER.

>wasn't coming back.
>She returned to her lettuce. She pulled off more leaves, and began to
>chop those too. She continued this way for a few moments,

18: Because, apparently the fic writer loves the lettuce chopping scene.

>before she heard a voice behind her.

Vegeta: Please don't let it be me.

>"So you two finally broke it off eh?"
>She whirled around, surprised. Who else could that be but…
>"You knew?" She asked Vegeta softly.

Vegeta: GAH!

>He smirked and walked into the kitchen, looking around it, noticing the
>food on the table with some interest.

17: [Vegeta] It's been a long time since I've seen edible food.

>"Of course I knew. Actually, I was expecting it to happen sooner. You two
>never really were compatible, you know."

Vegeta: how could they NOT be? It's like "Dumb & Stupider".

>"Yeah well, thanks for the news update." Chi-Chi muttered. Vegeta smirked

17: [Vegeta] I get my news from CNN. It's up to date and reliable.

> and walked back outside, prepared to leave.
>As he was leaving, he turned to look at her.

18: He's just not used to seeing someone who can actually cook food the right way.

>She had her back to him, hand already on the knife, prepared to go
>back to preparing her food.
>"Oh yeah, and Chi-Chi?"

Vegeta: [Vegeta] Get bent.

>She looked at him over her shoulder.
>"You won't be missed."
>He took off into the sky, disappearing in the direction Goku had gone.

17: Goku's tag-along buddy.

>She turned back to her board and began again. She glanced up from the
>board briefly, looking around the room.

18: [Chi-chi] Should I react in some manner?? *shakes head* Nah!!!

>Her eyes happened to land on the telephone, sitting on its little stand next
>to the kitchen table.
>She walked over to it and picked up the address book that sat next to it,
>and began to flip through furiously, looking for someone, anyone, to call.
>She finally landed on R. Her eyes scrolled down the page and she
>happened to notice the name Richard.

Vegeta: So her telephone book is listed by first name?

>He was a nice man she'd met one day at the grocery store. He was smart.
>He was dependable.

17: He also happened to be the ONLY Richard in town.

>He could make her laugh, and being with him lifted Chi-Chi up in a way
>Goku never had. She'd gone out with Richard a quite few times, actually.

18: Ah, so Chi-chi's been a cheating whore for some time now.

>But she'd never let the relationship get too far, for fear that Goku would
>come home every minute and she would have to once again assume her
>role as the loyal housewife.

Vegeta: This fic should've been titled, "If You Didn't Hate Chi-chi Before...".

>She put the phone to her ear and raised her finger to start dialing. But it
>hung there, suspended above the keypad.

18: [Chi-chi] DAMMIT! I think I actually do have a conscience.

>Goku. She could still bring him home. She could make it work.

17: Richard is her "escort".

>Vegeta's words drifted to her: You won't be missed.

Vegeta: My profound words are much appreciated here.

>Smiling, Chi-Chi dialed Richard's number.

18: Unfortunately, she dialed wrong and she got Roshi breathing heavily into the reciever.

*Dr.Gero's face appears on a large screen in front of them*
Dr.Gero: What did you learn today???
Vegeta: Chi-chi is the worst woman in the history of females.
17: If you want to make your relationship work with someone, completely ignore them.
18: I learned that continuity is thrown completely out the window in some instances.
Dr.Gero: Good. Well done. 17. I like your answer. I'll torture you with my karkaoke last.